Make Monday the First Day on Your Calendar, You Cowards

Le Moustier Neanderthals (Charles R. Knight, 1920) via Wikipedia

There are cultural traditions that make no sense but we keep doing them anyways. We buy diamond engagement rings despite the lies and monopolies that surround them; we in America use the imperial system partly due to masochism and jingoism, but mostly corporate interests; we force everyone to write “thank you” cards after major events for some reason. (Okay maybe I just don’t remember to write thank you cards, whatever.)

We also, for some inexplicable reason, put Sunday as the first day of the week on our calendars. Well, it’s not so inexplicable, it just goes wayyy back, and gets tangled quickly in almost every major religion in history. Delightful.

If Sunday is a “Day of Rest” in Christianity - which most people probably assume is the reason for its position in the calendar though untrue - fine, whatever, but then why would the day of rest be the first day of the week? You don’t take a break at the beginning of a sprint, it’s at the end when you’re tired and contemplating quitting your job to buy a farm, print all your emails, and use them as kindling. Clearly God didn’t read any David Allen, and the Romans maybe were more Waterfall than Agile.

Why else is this a incessantly stupid idea? In our modern world, entirely shaped by decisions made in the industrial era, we all consider the weekend our reprieve, our chance to escape. We use phrases like “living for the weekend” totally unironically, and with a jolt of happiness say “HAPPY FRIDAY!” in our emails.

The weekend, unless you live in New Zealand, consists of two days. Saturday, and Sunday. Weekend, noun; two days which late-stage capitalism deems as acceptable for some workers to relax, catch up on all the other forms of labor in their lives, and inevitably get violently ill and lose entirely. Week-end.

Why is Sunday, the second day of the weekend, the first day on our calendars then?

Who cares? You can’t change the world. Fix it yourself. Do it. Change your calendar to be Monday on the first day. You’ll feel better, your planning will become infinitely easier, your calendar a more pleasurable reading experience. Your weekend will be at the end of the week. You’ll wonder, am I insane? Why is everything this way? You’re welcome, friend. You have left The Cave.

Oh, do you come from an actual civilized country, one that already uses the internationally recognized ISO 8601 format? Fuck you. I live in America, and even the simple things can’t get done right.

While we’re at it, change your clocks to 24-hour, you monsters. Ante meridiem this. [Lewd gesture.]